Stella Awards Email a Hoax

Real Awards Just as Amazing

After receiving an amusing email detailing the latest winners of the Stella Awards given for the most egregiously opportunistic lawsuits in America, I decided to investigate.  The stories were hilarious, but after covering the courts for more than 20 years, they just didn’t ring true.

How do I spell “jurisprudence?” What the heck are you talking about?

Guess what?  They’re not.

The email describes a case in which a mother sued a furniture store for tripping over her own son, a man whose hands were run over while he was trying to steal the car’s hubcaps and a woman who ran off the road in her recreational vehicle after she put the vehicle on cruise control and then went to make a sandwich.  Funny, yes.  True, no.

Americans are quite upset with the excesses of our legal system and the lengths some in the legal profession will go to in order to make a buck.  The genuine Stella Awards are so named for a case in which a woman sued a McDonalds in New Mexico for spilling hot coffee on herself.  So, the real stories are just as amazing as the fake ones in the hoax email.

For example, let’s take the case of the tragic nightclub fire in Warwick, RI in February 2003 in which 96 people died and more than 200 people were injured, because the rock band playing that night lit off fireworks inside that set the building on fire.  Terrible.  But when the nightclub’s $1 billion liability insurance ran out, lawyers turned to others with deeper pockets, and the fleecing of anyone who had even the remotest dealings with the club began.

Keep in mind that 50 percent of the settlements below (sometimes more) go to the lawyers. 

 Clear Channel Communications - $22 Million

Clear Channel is the area’s only radio station, and they apparently promoted the event.  The “joint and several liability” provision of Rhode Island law made them a target, and their lawyers probably opted for the cheapest way out.

 WPRI - Local TV Station - $30 Million

The TV station sent a crew to do a story on the dangers of nightclubs, and found out exactly how dangerous they are in an ironic twist.  Lawyers promoted a theory that the crew blocked an exit, and it’s often cheaper to pay than be innocent.

JBL Speakers - $815,000

The lawyers claimed their speakers had flammable foam inside.

Anheuser-Busch - $5 Million, Local Beer Distributor - $16 Million

Umm, there was beer at the nightclub.  Tell the truth though; you saw that one coming, didn’t you?

Sealed Air Corporation - $16 Million

The club used foam for soundproofing purposes that Sealed Air Corporation manufactured even though the foam is not supposed to be used for that application.

State of Rhode Island - $10 Million, Warwick, RI - $10 Million

The reasons weren’t disclosed for these settlements, but at this point does it matter?

Home Depot - Undisclosed Amount

This is the best one yet.  Apparently, this is where the nightclub owners bought the foam manufactured by Sealed Air Corporation that was improperly used as soundproofing.  It’s just a really good thing they didn’t stop to buy a Coke from a vending machine before they went into the store, because then this would really be nuts.  Right?

I’ve worked the courts for many years, and yes, I am sensitive to lawyer’s complaints about the lawyer jokes.  But come on folks, don’t you also have “joint and several liability” here?

While you scratch your head on that one, visit the real Stella Awards.